About Me
I was born and raised in the PNW by my parents, as the youngest of 4 children. I was a 3rd Generation born in Jehovah's Witness up until the summer of 2014, when the Holy Spirit transformed me into a new creation, becoming a true child of God.
I personally was never baptized as a witness, but I did become an unbaptized publisher in my pre-teen years only to quickly abandon it. Throughout my life I have studied probably about 8-10 times with various family members and friends of the family in the organization, going entirely through whatever their current bible study book was at the time. Once a person gets to the end of studying one of these, it's usually time for a bible study student to consider baptism and moving forward as a Jehovah's Witness. I, however, could never take that step. I couldn't, because even though I believed God was real, the bible was true and that Jehovah's Witnesses were the only true religion.. I just felt so far away from God. I didn't feel like I knew him personally. I didn't have the zeal and passion that I saw in Jehovah's faithful ones in the bible. I wanted to be and KNOW I was God's friend, but as a Jehovah's Witness, Jehovah God doesn't love unconditionally. He doesn't accept you unless you've cleaned up your life first and are baptized. Even then, you still don't know for sure. Yet I yearned for the intimate connection with God that I saw throughout the scriptures from the most well known people, like Abraham, Noah, David, the Apostles, etc.., before I made such a huge commitment. I would eventually find out, I was missing the LOVE and Spirit of God. I was missing Christ!
So instead, I would run, I would run into the world. I would rebel. I was reckless and dangerous. I tried everything I could to fill the big hole in me. Drugs, alcohol, sex with men and women, material possessions, money, lies, etc.. All starting at the very young age of 13.
Nothing. Ever. Worked.
The older I became, the deeper I spiraled into chaos. By the time I was 28, Spring of 2014, I'd been in and out of rehab several times, arrested twice, moved from place to place, married, divorced, had an unexpected child from a fling, married a second time, and at the point of another divorce. I suffered from severe anxiety and depression and took medication for it. I was an addict and alcoholic. I was an extremely insecure, yet vain, selfish, angry, resentful and an adulterous woman. But you'd never know just by looking at me, because I hid things very well. I didn't look at all like a drug addict, nor did I act much like one, because I could function very well while under the influence of just about any drug. I never touched heroin, acid or PCP, because I knew better than that. If I had, I would guarantee I would not be alive today. Or IF I was, I'd probably be in a very bad place. I was very friendly, personable and easy to get along with on the surface. But underneath was a wrecking yard. I had a huge lack of commitment. I didn't know what it meant to be a loyal friend and have integrity. I didn't know what honor was. I ruined every relationship whether family, friend or intimate partner. I didn't know how to keep my eyes and heart off the "Greener grass on the other side of the fence."
Nothing satisfied my hunger and thirst for more, more, more. Until...
2014 was the turning point. My current husband and I had been married since 2009, 5 years, and I was ready to walk out on him for the final time and he was done, too. Yet, we had to try one more thing. God. This started with a FamilyLife marriage seminar called the Art of Marriage through my mother-in-law's church. She had told us about it, not even knowing how badly we needed it. We were both hesitant in going, but we went. From there, God redeemed my view of what a biblical and healthy marriage should be. We rededicated ourselves to one another and started praying and reading the bible together daily. It was through abandoning any preconceived ideas of what the bible says, hearing it as for the first time, that awakened my soul to the truth... Jesus.
Jesus began to reveal himself and his infinite undying love to me over the next 6 months. Finally, I was at a place where I KNEW God was so real and he was so close. Closer than I'd ever imagined he could be! So real, that I decided to ask Jesus into my heart. At first, it was with hesitation, because I was scared that I just might be jumping off a cliff here, and selling my soul to the devil, because that's just what this organization ingrains in it's followers, that everyone else serves Satan. But I was willing to take that leap of faith and jump, trusting that he would catch me, because it was all too much of a coincidence to be coincidence. My silent prayers over years were being answered, and that could only mean this was all coming from the One True God Almighty of the bible, and his son. So, I leapt, holding on for dear life, trusting that he would catch me... Catch my heart... my soul ... my life.. and he did!
After that, things rapidly changed in me and my husband. We both were transformed into new creations. The old had completely fallen off of us, and we were like strangers, but so much more intimately connected than we ever were before. It was the Holy Spirit. He took both of us on this transformation journey together, and we were truly of one heart, one mind, one spirit. I was baptized September 2014 by my husband in a local lake. In October 2014, I received the Holy Spirit baptism. Instantly, I was completely healed from all my addictions. I didn't have to go through any sort of program. I could not believe it! Many people believe the saying, "once an addict/alcoholic/cheater, always one", but that simply isn't the case because I am proof.
The months and years have gone by (3 years as of writing this testimony), and you would not believe the amazing growth that has taken place. I can't even believe it. I now have the immense joy and zeal that I saw in the bible, that I wanted so badly. I now KNEW I was a friend of God and his daughter! If you'd had asked me before all of this, that I'd be here today, as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, I definitely would have bet on my own soul, that I would not be where I am.
Because of all that God has done for me, his great love for me, forgiving me, redeeming my marriage and making it 1,000 times better, healing me, filling me with his Spirit to do more than I could ever imagined, giving me eternal life, and much more, because of my great love for him and all people, I want to live a life of radical love and power for him. For others to reap the same rewards and blessings as he has so graciously bestowed upon me. I don't want to live an average comfortable life. I believe that as a Christian, I'm not meant to. Many places in the bible, Jesus speaks of the cost of following him. (Matt. 16:24-25; Luke 14:25-33) So towards the end of last year, 2016, after much prayer, God was impressing upon me, that something was going to be happening the upcoming year. I prayed about it for months, asking him, "What do you have for me? What can I do?", and that's when I kept hearing from several different sources, in a short period of time, over and over, "Your greatest ministry is what God delivered you from." So for me, at first I thought that was either addiction, or being in a cult.
I didn't quite feel comfortable going for the addiction aspect for certain reasons I won't mention here, but will cover in a separate blog entry. I felt more strongly that I should be witnessing to Jehovah's Witnesses and ones who've left, but haven't been set free from it. Especially because, I still have family in it, and I agonize over them so much! I want them to wake up and smell the sweet loving aroma of God's truth and love for them. I want them to know Jesus.
Before I just picked one, I wanted to make sure that this is what God was wanting of me. So I prayed and told him, he was going to have to confirm it for me how he used to. About a month or 2 later, I got that confirmation and was overwhelmed with gladness! I was directed to "return to my land and set the captives free", like Moses did. I then began to pray about how this was going to look and play out. I wanted him to bring the ministry to me and show me. I didn't want to do anything of my own accord. He is so faithful and good to answer, I thought I knew exactly what this was going to look like in the beginning, but once I started things took off slow and stalled. I started to do things out of my own will, and not paying attention to things that my own husband was telling me. I lost sight and got discouraged. Now 2 years later, 2020, I have a much clearer idea of what my purpose and ministry is. It's not just to Jehovah's Witnesses, and it's not just to addicts. It's to EVERYONE who is in bondage. Whether it be addictions, identity issues, cults, false religion, legalism, any sin that has consumed one's life, apathy of their faith, etc... I am to set ALL captives free!
That's where Psalm 34:4 comes into play. Psalm 34:4 NLT says "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me; he freed me from all my fears."
Before I met the Lord, I was living in constant fear. Fear of God, fear of not being with my family for eternity, fear of man, fear of death where I just cease to exist, or if the others were right, then it'd be burning in hell for eternity, fear of myself, fear of following the enemy's voice, fear of questioning, fear of not ever being enough, fear of being the outcast, being a "Square", not being able to have fun, etc.. Anxiety, depression and confusion, ruled my life. If I didn't follow the rules and laws of being a Jehovah's Witness, I wasn't going to make it and even if I did, I still wouldn't be sure if I would make it. I constantly prayed throughout my life, crying out to God to reveal himself to me, and "why couldn't it be just me and him? Why did I have to go through a religion? And which one? There were so many churches, denominations, religions, etc. Which one was right?" He answered that in the most amazing way. It was always about just being me and him. A relationship with my one true Father. I didn't need to go anywhere. It was to WHOM I went to that was important. It was through Jesus that I needed to come to know him. John 14:6 "Jesus said, 'I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." That's not just praying in Jesus name, but coming into a relationship with the Son of God. Honoring the Son, just as we honor the Father (John 5:23). That is the most important thing for ALL people to understand. Whether you are a professing Christian or not. Many Christians look to men still, to a church building, a denomination etc... They don't look to Jesus Christ themselves. They are not empowered as believer priests as the bible says we ALL are as the body of Christ. We are to be in relationship with God and he comes first and can teach us all things we need to know. (John 14:26)
So as a follower of Christ, it is my honor and duty to share the gospel. If you are a Christian, it's your honor and duty, too. Part of my ministry is to bring awareness, educating, training and encouraging other Christians to help the lost. They need to experience and see, true unconditional love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control from the true followers of Christ.
Please join me in setting captives free!
I personally was never baptized as a witness, but I did become an unbaptized publisher in my pre-teen years only to quickly abandon it. Throughout my life I have studied probably about 8-10 times with various family members and friends of the family in the organization, going entirely through whatever their current bible study book was at the time. Once a person gets to the end of studying one of these, it's usually time for a bible study student to consider baptism and moving forward as a Jehovah's Witness. I, however, could never take that step. I couldn't, because even though I believed God was real, the bible was true and that Jehovah's Witnesses were the only true religion.. I just felt so far away from God. I didn't feel like I knew him personally. I didn't have the zeal and passion that I saw in Jehovah's faithful ones in the bible. I wanted to be and KNOW I was God's friend, but as a Jehovah's Witness, Jehovah God doesn't love unconditionally. He doesn't accept you unless you've cleaned up your life first and are baptized. Even then, you still don't know for sure. Yet I yearned for the intimate connection with God that I saw throughout the scriptures from the most well known people, like Abraham, Noah, David, the Apostles, etc.., before I made such a huge commitment. I would eventually find out, I was missing the LOVE and Spirit of God. I was missing Christ!
So instead, I would run, I would run into the world. I would rebel. I was reckless and dangerous. I tried everything I could to fill the big hole in me. Drugs, alcohol, sex with men and women, material possessions, money, lies, etc.. All starting at the very young age of 13.
Nothing. Ever. Worked.
The older I became, the deeper I spiraled into chaos. By the time I was 28, Spring of 2014, I'd been in and out of rehab several times, arrested twice, moved from place to place, married, divorced, had an unexpected child from a fling, married a second time, and at the point of another divorce. I suffered from severe anxiety and depression and took medication for it. I was an addict and alcoholic. I was an extremely insecure, yet vain, selfish, angry, resentful and an adulterous woman. But you'd never know just by looking at me, because I hid things very well. I didn't look at all like a drug addict, nor did I act much like one, because I could function very well while under the influence of just about any drug. I never touched heroin, acid or PCP, because I knew better than that. If I had, I would guarantee I would not be alive today. Or IF I was, I'd probably be in a very bad place. I was very friendly, personable and easy to get along with on the surface. But underneath was a wrecking yard. I had a huge lack of commitment. I didn't know what it meant to be a loyal friend and have integrity. I didn't know what honor was. I ruined every relationship whether family, friend or intimate partner. I didn't know how to keep my eyes and heart off the "Greener grass on the other side of the fence."
Nothing satisfied my hunger and thirst for more, more, more. Until...
2014 was the turning point. My current husband and I had been married since 2009, 5 years, and I was ready to walk out on him for the final time and he was done, too. Yet, we had to try one more thing. God. This started with a FamilyLife marriage seminar called the Art of Marriage through my mother-in-law's church. She had told us about it, not even knowing how badly we needed it. We were both hesitant in going, but we went. From there, God redeemed my view of what a biblical and healthy marriage should be. We rededicated ourselves to one another and started praying and reading the bible together daily. It was through abandoning any preconceived ideas of what the bible says, hearing it as for the first time, that awakened my soul to the truth... Jesus.
Jesus began to reveal himself and his infinite undying love to me over the next 6 months. Finally, I was at a place where I KNEW God was so real and he was so close. Closer than I'd ever imagined he could be! So real, that I decided to ask Jesus into my heart. At first, it was with hesitation, because I was scared that I just might be jumping off a cliff here, and selling my soul to the devil, because that's just what this organization ingrains in it's followers, that everyone else serves Satan. But I was willing to take that leap of faith and jump, trusting that he would catch me, because it was all too much of a coincidence to be coincidence. My silent prayers over years were being answered, and that could only mean this was all coming from the One True God Almighty of the bible, and his son. So, I leapt, holding on for dear life, trusting that he would catch me... Catch my heart... my soul ... my life.. and he did!
After that, things rapidly changed in me and my husband. We both were transformed into new creations. The old had completely fallen off of us, and we were like strangers, but so much more intimately connected than we ever were before. It was the Holy Spirit. He took both of us on this transformation journey together, and we were truly of one heart, one mind, one spirit. I was baptized September 2014 by my husband in a local lake. In October 2014, I received the Holy Spirit baptism. Instantly, I was completely healed from all my addictions. I didn't have to go through any sort of program. I could not believe it! Many people believe the saying, "once an addict/alcoholic/cheater, always one", but that simply isn't the case because I am proof.
The months and years have gone by (3 years as of writing this testimony), and you would not believe the amazing growth that has taken place. I can't even believe it. I now have the immense joy and zeal that I saw in the bible, that I wanted so badly. I now KNEW I was a friend of God and his daughter! If you'd had asked me before all of this, that I'd be here today, as a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, I definitely would have bet on my own soul, that I would not be where I am.
Because of all that God has done for me, his great love for me, forgiving me, redeeming my marriage and making it 1,000 times better, healing me, filling me with his Spirit to do more than I could ever imagined, giving me eternal life, and much more, because of my great love for him and all people, I want to live a life of radical love and power for him. For others to reap the same rewards and blessings as he has so graciously bestowed upon me. I don't want to live an average comfortable life. I believe that as a Christian, I'm not meant to. Many places in the bible, Jesus speaks of the cost of following him. (Matt. 16:24-25; Luke 14:25-33) So towards the end of last year, 2016, after much prayer, God was impressing upon me, that something was going to be happening the upcoming year. I prayed about it for months, asking him, "What do you have for me? What can I do?", and that's when I kept hearing from several different sources, in a short period of time, over and over, "Your greatest ministry is what God delivered you from." So for me, at first I thought that was either addiction, or being in a cult.
I didn't quite feel comfortable going for the addiction aspect for certain reasons I won't mention here, but will cover in a separate blog entry. I felt more strongly that I should be witnessing to Jehovah's Witnesses and ones who've left, but haven't been set free from it. Especially because, I still have family in it, and I agonize over them so much! I want them to wake up and smell the sweet loving aroma of God's truth and love for them. I want them to know Jesus.
Before I just picked one, I wanted to make sure that this is what God was wanting of me. So I prayed and told him, he was going to have to confirm it for me how he used to. About a month or 2 later, I got that confirmation and was overwhelmed with gladness! I was directed to "return to my land and set the captives free", like Moses did. I then began to pray about how this was going to look and play out. I wanted him to bring the ministry to me and show me. I didn't want to do anything of my own accord. He is so faithful and good to answer, I thought I knew exactly what this was going to look like in the beginning, but once I started things took off slow and stalled. I started to do things out of my own will, and not paying attention to things that my own husband was telling me. I lost sight and got discouraged. Now 2 years later, 2020, I have a much clearer idea of what my purpose and ministry is. It's not just to Jehovah's Witnesses, and it's not just to addicts. It's to EVERYONE who is in bondage. Whether it be addictions, identity issues, cults, false religion, legalism, any sin that has consumed one's life, apathy of their faith, etc... I am to set ALL captives free!
That's where Psalm 34:4 comes into play. Psalm 34:4 NLT says "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me; he freed me from all my fears."
Before I met the Lord, I was living in constant fear. Fear of God, fear of not being with my family for eternity, fear of man, fear of death where I just cease to exist, or if the others were right, then it'd be burning in hell for eternity, fear of myself, fear of following the enemy's voice, fear of questioning, fear of not ever being enough, fear of being the outcast, being a "Square", not being able to have fun, etc.. Anxiety, depression and confusion, ruled my life. If I didn't follow the rules and laws of being a Jehovah's Witness, I wasn't going to make it and even if I did, I still wouldn't be sure if I would make it. I constantly prayed throughout my life, crying out to God to reveal himself to me, and "why couldn't it be just me and him? Why did I have to go through a religion? And which one? There were so many churches, denominations, religions, etc. Which one was right?" He answered that in the most amazing way. It was always about just being me and him. A relationship with my one true Father. I didn't need to go anywhere. It was to WHOM I went to that was important. It was through Jesus that I needed to come to know him. John 14:6 "Jesus said, 'I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me." That's not just praying in Jesus name, but coming into a relationship with the Son of God. Honoring the Son, just as we honor the Father (John 5:23). That is the most important thing for ALL people to understand. Whether you are a professing Christian or not. Many Christians look to men still, to a church building, a denomination etc... They don't look to Jesus Christ themselves. They are not empowered as believer priests as the bible says we ALL are as the body of Christ. We are to be in relationship with God and he comes first and can teach us all things we need to know. (John 14:26)
So as a follower of Christ, it is my honor and duty to share the gospel. If you are a Christian, it's your honor and duty, too. Part of my ministry is to bring awareness, educating, training and encouraging other Christians to help the lost. They need to experience and see, true unconditional love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control from the true followers of Christ.
Please join me in setting captives free!