Psalm 34:4
September 23, 2017
I have not been able to get on here like I’ve wanted to this month. This month has been a very busy time due to us moving into a new house and getting our old place ready to rent out. We’ve also been without internet for about a week now at our new home and just got that turned on today. Yay! So I also haven’t been able to do much in the way of ministry this month. I am waiting to meet with our church pastor to see about getting a class started at our church for those interested in learning more about Jehovah’s Witnesses and who want to minister to them. I will update with how that meeting goes but it won’t be until at least the 2nd week of October for an update with that. Also this next month, the first week of October, my grandfather whom I’ve never met, will be here in my area visiting family so we might have a chance to meet. I am a bit nervous about meeting him for some reason. A little background on why we’ve never met: He was a JW when my mom was very young, only to become a well out spoken apostate when my mom was an adult and became a very devout JW. I remember the only time I ever saw him was when we’d go to the summer JW District Conventions and he’d be out there with signs and his megaphone, speaking out against the Watchtower. My mom would point him out and say “that’s your grandfather… my dad.. don’t pay any attention to him.” My mom never spoke well of him, and for very good reason. Him being an apostate to the Jehovah’s Witnesses, is not the only reason she kept us from him. *WARNING – The following may be a trigger for those who have been victims of abuse… Please do not read any further if you believe it may be difficult…* I will first start by saying, there are those of you who will read this and not understand how I can have anything to do with my grandfather. There will also be some of you who do understand. Those of you who understand the depth of God’s ever loving mercy, grace and forgiveness will understand. Those of you who have walked a dark path before coming to know your wonderful creator and Savior, Jesus Christ, then tasted the sweetest of loves, will understand. My mother and her siblings were sexually abused by their father, this man that did not know his savior Jesus Christ and was living a very bitter life as a Jehovah’s Witness. Who may also have been abused by his father, so it’s what he learned. I say may, because even though he didn’t say specifically, he told me enough that makes me believe that he was. Not that, that is an excuse, because it’s not. However, children usually grow up to be just like their parents. It doesn’t always happen, but sadly, more often than not, it does. I used to despise my grandfather because of knowing what he did, and also, being a Jehovah’s Witness most of my life, I also despised him because he was against it so much. I never wanted anything to do with him and I couldn’t believe it when I found out that my brother met him, went golfing with him, and shared a meal with him. I felt like he betrayed our whole family by doing that, but now that I have come to know Jesus, been born again and understand forgiveness, I understand why my brother did what he did, even though my brother is atheist. It was last year when I first started speaking to my grandfather. Even once a believer, it still took me some time to come to the point where I would speak to him, let alone meet him. He’d tried several times to friend request me on Facebook, only for me to decline it every time. Until one day, I talked to my husband about it and prayed about it a lot. I didn’t want to have any anger, hatred or even hard feelings towards him because I had experienced such great forgiveness for all my transgressions, and knew God’s heart of forgiveness, and how he sees people now, and that as a believer, I should forgive as he has forgiven me (Col. 3:13) Many people may believe that certain sins are unforgivable and worse than others, but God doesn’t see things that way. Sin is sin, no matter what it looks like. The bible tells us there is only 1 unforgivable sin and it is certainly not abuse (Mark 3:28-30) We are also not judge, and there will be justice, but we cannot judge the value of someone’s life. God paid the same price for everyone. It’s up to us to believe and receive that. So I wanted to know if my grandfather had come to believe and receive. I told myself I would wait for his next request, if there ever was one, and if so I’d accept it and leave it at that. The request came and so I accepted and proceeded with caution. I wanted to get a feel for what he’s like. A few months later, my son had a family history project for school and since my mom didn’t know any of the info about my grandfather or his side of the family, I decided to ask him myself. I was planning on just asking him for the family history info and leave it at that. However, I decided to tell him a little about myself, how I’d been raised as a JW, which he knew, and that I’d since become a born again Christian, gave a bit of my testimony and that I was married, successful, etc. I felt it was important that he knew that I was no longer a JW and that I also knew what he’d done to my mother. His response was very humble, admitting his transgression without detail and how he’d come to know his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ since then. After a couple more months, I had gotten more involved in trying to reach other JWs and Ex-JWs, through groups on Facebook, and with my grandfather being an activist in that area, I asked him for his experience and any information he had to share. Since now we had this in common. I was treading lightly with everything. Especially because I didn’t want my mom to find out quite yet, that I was speaking to him. I knew if she found out, she’d flip out. To which she did, when she found out sooner than I’d hoped. Before I could tell her myself, which is what I wanted because I believe it would have went over much better than it did. I feel this has now put a strain on our relationship even more than it was before, since becoming a believer. As that had put a strain on our relationship first. When my grandfather first brought up that he’d be out here in my area visiting family in October and hoped he might be able to meet me and my family, I wasn’t sure about it. I felt like it might be going too far. After talking to my husband about it though, and him assuring me that if anything, we can be a light shining in the darkness, I agreed. So fast forward to now, he will be traveling with my Aunt, his other daughter, to come visit us and for some reason I’m nervous. I hope that I am not obviously nervous the day they are here. I am much more comfortable with it that my Aunt will be with him because I know her much more. That relationship between my mom and her has been a strained one through the years as well, but they are on good terms as far as I know now, since my mom went out to visit her for about a week just this last year. My Aunt and I have a few things in common from our pasts also, but even though we don’t need to talk about it, it’s nice to know we can relate on things. I will write about how it all goes and I pray that we have a fruitful meeting. Thank you and God Bless!
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